Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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