I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
