history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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