So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Terrible idea I love it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
