someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
