and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
