We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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