ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
