i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
