two words: eviction party
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
