I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
