so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't deserve a penis
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
