the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
