Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize