No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
