He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
