hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
