im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
