I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
40s are totally the cure
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
