Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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