By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
