I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
COCAINE IS GR8
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
