I'm jealous of your bromance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
