That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
