question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
