He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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