dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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