I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
