My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
