What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
