the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
