You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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