put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize