Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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