Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
