I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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