Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize