I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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