You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
