Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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