By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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