who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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