lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
