you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
