Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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