I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
