Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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