drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
