Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
