Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
