god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
