dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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