I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
