I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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