I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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