i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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