Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wish my penis had a tongue
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
