Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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