he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
