it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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