Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
