apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
