I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
