i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
