is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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