I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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