I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
