Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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