having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
