Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
