Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
