I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
