Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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