you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize