Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
