I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
